to do list...

My 28th birthday is FAST APPROACHING! (Nov 4th)… and, I’m excited, but this birthday will be different than my past birthdays. I’ve lost a lot of friends while going through my divorce. My family is busier with life and I’m not even sure if we will do a dinner. It seems like my normal month long of celebrations, will be cut short this year. I’m trying to get over it… Sniff Sniff… (I’m a Scorpio okay… I’m dramatic!) I am excited about one thing though, my mom and I are planning a trip Disneyland, just us girls, and I’m excited about that. I’m just trying to focus on the positive of what I do have, versus the negative of what I don’t have.
Recently I was inspired by a fellow blogger, The Unlikely Oilfield Wife to start up a list of things I want to do before I'm 30. I'm 27 now (almost 28), and I think these are all goals that are reasonable and could happen by the time I'm 30

Run a marathon
Really start my business
Move to a different, newer, fresher apartment
Take a photography class
Take a Zumba Class
Take a class to learn to play the guitar
Take a class to learn to learn to play the piano
Really REALLY think hard about getting a tattoo, and decide if I’m going to do it or not and either do it, or let the idea go... lol
Be okay with being alone, and I mean doing things alone, going to a restaurant, or the movies, or whatever, but to be able to be alone and do it
Have money in my stinking savings account!
Go get my make up done at the Mac counter! I've always wanted to do that! and I never had a reason to!!
Learn how to make my skin look amazing, and learn how to do my make up so it looks like a pro did it every day!
Crash someone's Prom! I never went to mine, and I've always wanted to go to one!!!
Make good homemade Ice Cream
Plan a camping trip.
Enroll in college and start working on finishing my degree.
Finalize my divorce!!!
This past year I lost about 50 lbs, I would like to lose about 40 more, I’ve been stuck at this weight for the past 6 months, and I’d like to finally get motivated with myself and get this weight off.

These are a bunch of things that I think about on an almost daily basis, so, I’m going to stop thinking, and start doing!!!

Still Smiling though!

Life is getting to me today. I always have a positive outlook on life. I never veer to the negative side of things. I always try to find the good and positive in a situation. TODAY is different! (As I smile) I’m separated from my husband. We haven’t started the divorce yet, mostly because its expensive and neither of us have money. We’ve been living separate since March 2010. We have remained pretty good friends. We have had bumps along the way, some leaving bruises on him, and some leaving bruises on me. (Metaphorical bruises!) Today, he just sort of threw me and pretty much ruined my whole day. Our daughter’s birthday is coming up (Nov 21st) and we had discussed multiple times that we were still going to do the party together. Today, I asked him about it, since it’s about a month away, and I’m pretty busy every weekend until the party, I’m trying to get it all settled and figured out as soon as I can so I don’t leave anything off my list. His reply was that he was feeling kind of weird about it and hadn’t decided if he wanted to do it together or not. I have to say that I was pretty disappointed by that because when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. This keeps happening with him, he keeps agreeing to things, and then changing his mind. Yea I could do the party by myself. But, I wanted to do with him. We are still trying to be friends and in each other lives for our child, but he keeps distancing himself and not trying to be a part of my life. We disused it back and forth and he said he would let me know in a few days. He also brought up the fact that he has been distancing himself from me. He said that he is dating someone (someone he’s been dating since he moved out) and that he is very serious about her, his words were “But also I am ready to move forward with (lady’s name). I am in love with the lady and that's no doubt”. Him saying that made me sick to my stomach, it made my heart drop. I’m not sure why I felt that way. Maybe in the back of my mind I feel like one day we will get back together. Or, maybe I just see that he is a good man, and I should have worked harder to make it work with him. Or, maybe it’s just that I’m selfish and I only want him to love me and be all sad and pitiful and miserable because he can’t have me. I think it’s a mixture of all of those things. I guess it was just an extra punch in the stomach that I wasn’t expecting.

So what now?

So now that I’m no longer “The Drillers Girl” what happens to this blog? What if I become “The Cable Guys Girl” or, “The Single Girl” or “The Girl who just wants you to rub her back and go home”? The possibilities are endless on where this could go. I love writing in this blog more than my other because this blog is unknown amongst my friends and family (other than my BEST FRIEND Susan!)

I don’t’ want to stop writing in this blog because I feel like the words I’ve written are beautiful, they are meaningful, they are the words of the past 9 months of my life, this is not something I want to forget. I just don’t know what to do with this blog. Do I change the name of it every time I have a life changing event happen? No! So, I’m looking to my panel of advisors to help me out here and give me some guidance. Here are some options I’ve come up with:

Stop writing in this blog, leave it as is, and create a new one (which would be like my 4th blog creation)
Continue to write in this blog, and change the name of it.
Just leave it and write in it as is (I think this is not a great idea, but it is an option)
… Okay, that’s all I got for now. Give me your thoughts to ponder. I really love this writing thing! And I really love the way this blog looks and feels, and I love my readers!

**** I decided to remove most of my previous posts about things that were going on. For a few reasons.
-When I read them, it reminds me of bad times that I was trying to sugar coat...
-Last year was possibly the worst and hardest year of my life, and I don't want to forget it, but I also don't want to be able to dwell on it.
-Its time to move on
-I needed a change
-I needed to break free
-I want to focus on the good things, and not the bad things...

SO if your reading, and wondering what happened to all of those posts, they are gone. It was time.