Still Smiling though!

Life is getting to me today. I always have a positive outlook on life. I never veer to the negative side of things. I always try to find the good and positive in a situation. TODAY is different! (As I smile) I’m separated from my husband. We haven’t started the divorce yet, mostly because its expensive and neither of us have money. We’ve been living separate since March 2010. We have remained pretty good friends. We have had bumps along the way, some leaving bruises on him, and some leaving bruises on me. (Metaphorical bruises!) Today, he just sort of threw me and pretty much ruined my whole day. Our daughter’s birthday is coming up (Nov 21st) and we had discussed multiple times that we were still going to do the party together. Today, I asked him about it, since it’s about a month away, and I’m pretty busy every weekend until the party, I’m trying to get it all settled and figured out as soon as I can so I don’t leave anything off my list. His reply was that he was feeling kind of weird about it and hadn’t decided if he wanted to do it together or not. I have to say that I was pretty disappointed by that because when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. This keeps happening with him, he keeps agreeing to things, and then changing his mind. Yea I could do the party by myself. But, I wanted to do with him. We are still trying to be friends and in each other lives for our child, but he keeps distancing himself and not trying to be a part of my life. We disused it back and forth and he said he would let me know in a few days. He also brought up the fact that he has been distancing himself from me. He said that he is dating someone (someone he’s been dating since he moved out) and that he is very serious about her, his words were “But also I am ready to move forward with (lady’s name). I am in love with the lady and that's no doubt”. Him saying that made me sick to my stomach, it made my heart drop. I’m not sure why I felt that way. Maybe in the back of my mind I feel like one day we will get back together. Or, maybe I just see that he is a good man, and I should have worked harder to make it work with him. Or, maybe it’s just that I’m selfish and I only want him to love me and be all sad and pitiful and miserable because he can’t have me. I think it’s a mixture of all of those things. I guess it was just an extra punch in the stomach that I wasn’t expecting.