I made contact! My Aunt Sue called me a few nights and talked to me about my Grandma Ada. I felt bad asking her so many questions about Ada, and hardly any questions about herself. But, the good thing is that in time I’ll be able to talk to Aunt Sue and build a relationship with her. So here are some interesting facts about my Grandma:
She was Irish and English (I think I’m going to take advantage of the whole Irish thing and maybe start drinking a little…. Or a lot…. Lol!)
She was very smart and could do anything that she wanted to do. She sewed, cooked, embroidered, sang, yodeled (that was funny to hear) and she was the Valedictorian of her high school! (I am the same way! I do all of those things except for the yodeling. I do not let anything hold me back from doing what I want. I find it pretty easy to do most things, and have accomplished a lot of things that other people find a challenge, in a very little amount of time. I often don’t see the “big deal” while others are making a big deal. If I would of applied myself in high school I probably would of graduated as the valedictorian too! I wonder if I would of known that while I was in school if I would have tried harder.)
She was born in 1928, she died when she was 43 years old of breast cancer. (I will be getting checked ASAP!)
She was funny, but often times no one understood her humor and she and her sister (aunt sue) would crack themselves up while everyone else just looked at them like they were nuts. (Okay people, this happens to me on a daily basis! No lie!)
She played Softball and Basketball in high school, my grandpa would go watch her play and that’s how they met. He moved away from Arkansas to California to work, but came back to Arkansas to marry her.
I guess this doesn’t tell me everything about her, but these are some pretty good things to know! I wish I would of known these things sooner, but I’m grateful that I know them now! I look forward to building a relationship with my relatives that haven’t been so close to me in the past! This is going to be great!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Finding Family!
My Grandma Ada died when my dad was very young. She was very young and I’m not even sure what she died from. All of my life, I’ve been told that I look like her. All of my life I’ve wondered about her. I would ask my dad questions, but he didn’t have the answers. I would ask my grandfather questions but he would get choked up. He remarried my Grandma Francis, which happens to be the BEST grandma ever! And I think everyone feels like it would hurt her feelings to talk about my Grandma Ada, so mum is the word. She had 1 sister, and 1 brother, I know them as Aunt Sue, and Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom lived very close to me, yet we rarely ever saw him or his family. Aunt Sue lives in Arkansas, and I can only remember one time that I saw her, even though I know there have been more times.
The one time that sticks out to me the most is when I was maybe 13 or 14 years old. We were at a family reunion, and she came to California. She was talking to me about my Grandma Ada, and she said that her hair was like mine, and we had the same eye color. And she got extremely choked up and had to walk away. Because of that, I always felt like it was too hard for everyone to talk about her, so I never asked anyone about her.
When Uncle Tom passed away a few years ago, I met a lot of my second cousins, and I remember thinking that I belonged in that family. They were all like me. Built like me, acted like me, talked like me. I wanted to know more about them. I felt strange though because I feel like I’m missing out, and I have so many questions and wonders and thoughts and I want to ask ask ask. For them, they are missing nothing because they all have each other. I asked them to stay in touch with me, and I gave a few cousins my phone number and e-mail address but I never heard from them. I know that in life, we get busy and caught up and what is important to me, may not be important to them, so I don’t blame them.
Recently, I wrote to Aunt Sue. I had been watching that show “Who Do You Think You Are” and it always brings up lots of questions for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about Grandma Ada, and her story, and I had a deep desire to know more about her. I wrote to Aunt Sue and asked her many many questions. I told her how I feel, and how bummed I’ve been because of what I feel like I’m missing out on. I told her I would understand if she didn’t want to talk about it but hoped that she would. I sent the letter off and hoped for the best.
A few days later, The Guitar Hero and I were at Disneyland, gallivanting around at the happiest place on earth, which happens to be one of our most favorite places to go on dates! We were boarding the tram to get back to the parking structure, and I noticed I had a few Facebook messages. I didn’t recognize the names at first, but the titles of the messages were “Aunt Ada”. I was THRILLED to receive 2 messages from my Aunt Sue’s daughters, which would be my second cousins. They both knew my Grandma Ada, and they told me a few things about how wonderful she was and they were both going to send me letters, they also told me that my Aunt Sue was going to send me a letter, and call me. It was very emotional! I wasn’t expected a connection like that and so quick! My eyes instantly filled with tears. I felt like I was the only person on that tram with The Guitar Hero. He read the messages and saw me crying, and called me a girl. In a sweet loving way of course!
The next day I was looking at their pages, and I saw a picture that I thought was me, and it turned out it was a picture of a cousin that is my age. Then I saw her pictures as an adult, and I really thought we looked a lot alike! We have the same hair, the same mouth, the same eye color. It’s so strange to see someone who you have never met, but is your family, and you happen to look alike. My whole life, I’ve always felt a little bit on the outside of my family. I don’t look like my brother, I don’t look like any of my cousins, and so it’s weird to look like someone! It’s pretty cool though!
I’m so excited for the letters and phone calls to come! This is HUGE in my world right now!!!
The one time that sticks out to me the most is when I was maybe 13 or 14 years old. We were at a family reunion, and she came to California. She was talking to me about my Grandma Ada, and she said that her hair was like mine, and we had the same eye color. And she got extremely choked up and had to walk away. Because of that, I always felt like it was too hard for everyone to talk about her, so I never asked anyone about her.
When Uncle Tom passed away a few years ago, I met a lot of my second cousins, and I remember thinking that I belonged in that family. They were all like me. Built like me, acted like me, talked like me. I wanted to know more about them. I felt strange though because I feel like I’m missing out, and I have so many questions and wonders and thoughts and I want to ask ask ask. For them, they are missing nothing because they all have each other. I asked them to stay in touch with me, and I gave a few cousins my phone number and e-mail address but I never heard from them. I know that in life, we get busy and caught up and what is important to me, may not be important to them, so I don’t blame them.
Recently, I wrote to Aunt Sue. I had been watching that show “Who Do You Think You Are” and it always brings up lots of questions for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about Grandma Ada, and her story, and I had a deep desire to know more about her. I wrote to Aunt Sue and asked her many many questions. I told her how I feel, and how bummed I’ve been because of what I feel like I’m missing out on. I told her I would understand if she didn’t want to talk about it but hoped that she would. I sent the letter off and hoped for the best.
A few days later, The Guitar Hero and I were at Disneyland, gallivanting around at the happiest place on earth, which happens to be one of our most favorite places to go on dates! We were boarding the tram to get back to the parking structure, and I noticed I had a few Facebook messages. I didn’t recognize the names at first, but the titles of the messages were “Aunt Ada”. I was THRILLED to receive 2 messages from my Aunt Sue’s daughters, which would be my second cousins. They both knew my Grandma Ada, and they told me a few things about how wonderful she was and they were both going to send me letters, they also told me that my Aunt Sue was going to send me a letter, and call me. It was very emotional! I wasn’t expected a connection like that and so quick! My eyes instantly filled with tears. I felt like I was the only person on that tram with The Guitar Hero. He read the messages and saw me crying, and called me a girl. In a sweet loving way of course!
The next day I was looking at their pages, and I saw a picture that I thought was me, and it turned out it was a picture of a cousin that is my age. Then I saw her pictures as an adult, and I really thought we looked a lot alike! We have the same hair, the same mouth, the same eye color. It’s so strange to see someone who you have never met, but is your family, and you happen to look alike. My whole life, I’ve always felt a little bit on the outside of my family. I don’t look like my brother, I don’t look like any of my cousins, and so it’s weird to look like someone! It’s pretty cool though!
I’m so excited for the letters and phone calls to come! This is HUGE in my world right now!!!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Some Valentines love from my little love bug!
Here is my cute love bug…. She is gorgeous right??? I mean, yes, I am her mother, and I’m a little partial. But, really, her face, her hair, her eyes. She is to die for! It gets me into trouble though! She is so cute that when she is being her terribly 3 year old self, it’s so hard to stay firm and stern with her. I mean, with a face like this??? MAN!!!!
This weekend, we delivered Valentine’s Day treats to our grandma’s and grandpa’s and some of our favorite friends. The little love bug made her rounds and spread her cheery love magic all around. We baked cupcakes and made cards, and we brought flowers. It was fun and everyone loved seeing her ! After all, who wouldn’t? It’s fun to do these things now, because soon she will be WAY too cool to hang out with mom.
So, thanks for letting me have my proud mom moment! :)
This weekend, we delivered Valentine’s Day treats to our grandma’s and grandpa’s and some of our favorite friends. The little love bug made her rounds and spread her cheery love magic all around. We baked cupcakes and made cards, and we brought flowers. It was fun and everyone loved seeing her ! After all, who wouldn’t? It’s fun to do these things now, because soon she will be WAY too cool to hang out with mom.
So, thanks for letting me have my proud mom moment! :)Updates… nothing interesting
Well, things are getting on track better than ever! This past weekend I had a big yard sale, and everything that I didn’t sell went straight to goodwill, so my garage is rid of the massive amounts of crap that was hanging out in there! There is still a lot of organizing and going through things that I still need to do. I couldn’t really go through anything because everything was so cluttered in there! So, now that it is less cluttered, I’m going to go through it all, and organize, and get rid of more things that I don’t need. I’m trying to simply my life, and stop carrying around all of this clutter! I’d like to move one day soon, and if I do, I don’t want to have to worry about having junk around that I don’t need, and that I don’t want to store. I just want to be able to pick up and go and be free! I’m on track with making that happen, and I’m very excited about it!
I have some really great friends in my life! Friends that invited me to tag along and go to Napa with them! I’m taking a pretty much free trip, and I couldn’t be MORE excited about it! it’s going to be 5 days, of pure fun, relaxing, time to myself, time to read and think and journal and pray and reflect. It will be time to talk to people who are older, who care about me, who have been “there”, who have great insight on life, love, and all of the above. A time to try new things, drink a little, laugh a lot, and maybe even cry for a while. I’m looking forward to this time!
Things with the Guitar Hero are progressing nicely! We’ve been scheduling dates and hanging out as often as we can. We each have children and work full time, and other things that we enjoy doing, so we have pretty busy lives that don’t revolve around each other (yet). We have each made time to spend with each other, separately from our children and when the time is right they will be introduced into our relationship. I love the Guitar Hero. I LOVE him! He seems to have it all together, a good stable life, he is dependable, reliable, consistent, considerate. He is passionate, and loving, and genuine, and thoughtful. He listens to what I say, and pays attention. He observes, makes notes, and sends tulips instead of roses! He writes me songs I’ve yet to hear, he e-mails me songs that remind me of him. He is fantastic, and I’m enjoying being selfish and keeping him all to myself, and letting him love me and enjoying this love. He says the most wonderful things to me, things I’ve always wanted to hear, but not typical BS boy lines, real things that I’ve always wanted someone to say to me. Every relationship has been unlike any other, each having good and bad points, but this relationship is nothing but good, and of course, unlike any other, at the risk of sounding cliché.
I want things with him to be different. I haven’t given everything up for him to spend all of my time with him. I’ve been doing the things I still love to do. I’ve still be spending good quality time with my little one. I’m still taking the classes I wanted to take, I’m still working to make my life better, I’m still fitting in vacations with friends, and business trips to Chicago. I’m doing everything that I need to do for myself to make myself happy. I can not, and will not rely on him to make me happy. If I have learned anything this year, it’s that I have to find my own happiness. I’m glad he is there to support me, and experience this new chapter in my life with me. I want this chapter to be different. I want it to be all about me, and what I did for myself, and my family, and my life. I want it to be about how I loved him, and not waited around for him to love me. I want this chapter of my life to show my daughter that her mom worked hard, played hard, loved hard and enjoyed it all. I want her life to be different than mine. I want her to grow up feeling confident in herself and for her to know that she can do anything. I can do anything, but I have this constant feeling hanging over me that says “one day, they will catch on, and they will know, you can not do anything” Even though I can do anything, and some of my best friends have recently verbally spanked me for thinking otherwise. I want this chapter in my life to say, “I am Heather, and I set out to wake up every morning in pure happiness doing what I loved, and this is how I got here, and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Who I am today, is because of what I was yesterday. I want to be proud of myself, I want to be confident in the things that I do, and know that I am worth it. That’s what this chapter is about in my life. ME ME ME. That’s why I say I want things with The Guitar Hero to be different. I don’t want my life to be all about him. I want my life to include him as another factor in all the parts that make up me. I’m so excited for this new outlook.
I have some really great friends in my life! Friends that invited me to tag along and go to Napa with them! I’m taking a pretty much free trip, and I couldn’t be MORE excited about it! it’s going to be 5 days, of pure fun, relaxing, time to myself, time to read and think and journal and pray and reflect. It will be time to talk to people who are older, who care about me, who have been “there”, who have great insight on life, love, and all of the above. A time to try new things, drink a little, laugh a lot, and maybe even cry for a while. I’m looking forward to this time!
Things with the Guitar Hero are progressing nicely! We’ve been scheduling dates and hanging out as often as we can. We each have children and work full time, and other things that we enjoy doing, so we have pretty busy lives that don’t revolve around each other (yet). We have each made time to spend with each other, separately from our children and when the time is right they will be introduced into our relationship. I love the Guitar Hero. I LOVE him! He seems to have it all together, a good stable life, he is dependable, reliable, consistent, considerate. He is passionate, and loving, and genuine, and thoughtful. He listens to what I say, and pays attention. He observes, makes notes, and sends tulips instead of roses! He writes me songs I’ve yet to hear, he e-mails me songs that remind me of him. He is fantastic, and I’m enjoying being selfish and keeping him all to myself, and letting him love me and enjoying this love. He says the most wonderful things to me, things I’ve always wanted to hear, but not typical BS boy lines, real things that I’ve always wanted someone to say to me. Every relationship has been unlike any other, each having good and bad points, but this relationship is nothing but good, and of course, unlike any other, at the risk of sounding cliché.
I want things with him to be different. I haven’t given everything up for him to spend all of my time with him. I’ve been doing the things I still love to do. I’ve still be spending good quality time with my little one. I’m still taking the classes I wanted to take, I’m still working to make my life better, I’m still fitting in vacations with friends, and business trips to Chicago. I’m doing everything that I need to do for myself to make myself happy. I can not, and will not rely on him to make me happy. If I have learned anything this year, it’s that I have to find my own happiness. I’m glad he is there to support me, and experience this new chapter in my life with me. I want this chapter to be different. I want it to be all about me, and what I did for myself, and my family, and my life. I want it to be about how I loved him, and not waited around for him to love me. I want this chapter of my life to show my daughter that her mom worked hard, played hard, loved hard and enjoyed it all. I want her life to be different than mine. I want her to grow up feeling confident in herself and for her to know that she can do anything. I can do anything, but I have this constant feeling hanging over me that says “one day, they will catch on, and they will know, you can not do anything” Even though I can do anything, and some of my best friends have recently verbally spanked me for thinking otherwise. I want this chapter in my life to say, “I am Heather, and I set out to wake up every morning in pure happiness doing what I loved, and this is how I got here, and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Who I am today, is because of what I was yesterday. I want to be proud of myself, I want to be confident in the things that I do, and know that I am worth it. That’s what this chapter is about in my life. ME ME ME. That’s why I say I want things with The Guitar Hero to be different. I don’t want my life to be all about him. I want my life to include him as another factor in all the parts that make up me. I’m so excited for this new outlook.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
enjoying this journey....
The Guitar Hero told me that I was on a rocket ship going to the moon…. He is so right…. I’m always rushing… I rush everything! How do I calm down??? I need tips on how to date. Not on how to meet someone, and turn them into my husband. This is what I always do, because that’s all I know how to do. I met my husband at 19 years old; we were engaged when I was 21, and married at 22. I’ve never dated anyone. I don’t know how. I say that I’m an “all or nothing” kind of girl. As soon as I know there is someone out there, that I want to be a part of my life, I want to share everything right away. I don’t want to just share my story, but I want to share my time, my home, my cooking, my everything I have. I want people in my life who are meaningful to me. I don’t think there are any accidents in life, so when a person who is meaningful to me comes into my life, I want to keep them close to me so I can learn about them, learn from them, find out what they are all about and enjoy all the time I can possibly have together. I need to learn to enjoy the journey, and not worry about getting to the destination.
This is my other “thing” right now. I’m overly looking for assurance. Because this is un-chartered territory for me, I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, or is good, or is wanted. I keep trying to be assured that things are going down the right path so that I can protect myself if they aren’t. But, maybe I’m protecting myself from happiness too. I need to take a chill pill and relax. Ahhhhhh…..
Tonight is my last night with my daughter for the next 5 days. Maybe this is “bad mommy” talking. But man I’m sick of that 3 year old!!!! She all of a sudden woke up a different kid and I want my old one back! This version of my child is not pleasant at all! She kicks, screams, bites, throws crayons, and asks 14 million questions in 1 minute. I can’t take it! I’m pulling my hair out. Last night she came up with this new thing at bed time. She said “But mommy, I don’t know how to fall asleep” HA! What a laugh! All of a sudden after 3 years of falling asleep, you have just forgotten how to fall asleep! I’m looking forward to having a little break from her!
This weekend is super bowl Sunday weekend! And on Saturday I am having a HUGE Garage sale! I want to save up get a new computer so I decided to sell all my junk that I don’t need! Last weekend, I worked in my garage just cleaning and organizing, and my neighbors thought I was having a yard sale and I actually made 100 bucks! I’m hoping I can double that this weekend and put it towards my computer fund! Sunday, Me and the Guitar Hero are going to hang out. He asked me to go watch him play foot ball, and then afterwards to watch the game. So, this NON sports girl is going to be all sports’d out. But I’m looking forward to doing new things with a cool guy!
Soooo, here is to enjoying the journey and not worrying about the destination….
This is my other “thing” right now. I’m overly looking for assurance. Because this is un-chartered territory for me, I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, or is good, or is wanted. I keep trying to be assured that things are going down the right path so that I can protect myself if they aren’t. But, maybe I’m protecting myself from happiness too. I need to take a chill pill and relax. Ahhhhhh…..
Tonight is my last night with my daughter for the next 5 days. Maybe this is “bad mommy” talking. But man I’m sick of that 3 year old!!!! She all of a sudden woke up a different kid and I want my old one back! This version of my child is not pleasant at all! She kicks, screams, bites, throws crayons, and asks 14 million questions in 1 minute. I can’t take it! I’m pulling my hair out. Last night she came up with this new thing at bed time. She said “But mommy, I don’t know how to fall asleep” HA! What a laugh! All of a sudden after 3 years of falling asleep, you have just forgotten how to fall asleep! I’m looking forward to having a little break from her!
This weekend is super bowl Sunday weekend! And on Saturday I am having a HUGE Garage sale! I want to save up get a new computer so I decided to sell all my junk that I don’t need! Last weekend, I worked in my garage just cleaning and organizing, and my neighbors thought I was having a yard sale and I actually made 100 bucks! I’m hoping I can double that this weekend and put it towards my computer fund! Sunday, Me and the Guitar Hero are going to hang out. He asked me to go watch him play foot ball, and then afterwards to watch the game. So, this NON sports girl is going to be all sports’d out. But I’m looking forward to doing new things with a cool guy!
Soooo, here is to enjoying the journey and not worrying about the destination….
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