Ups and Downs... In's and Outs...

So, last night my husband decided that he felt too pressured to stay at home, and he moved out. He decided to stay with his mom, and that's where he is going to be for a while. Not sure how long, but that's the plan. Actually, at first I was bummed about it for my daughters sake. She loves her daddy so much, and she wants him there with us all the time. I felt fine with the fact that he didn't want to be there because I was feeling like I was just jumping right back into our old life where I did everything, and didn't feel appreciated for it, and it had only been 4 days.

So, for now, I'm just going to pray and leave it in Gods hands. Part of me keeps thinking about the things that I wanted so bad when we were together, and wondering if I'll get those things now. I keep comparing how James treated me, to how my husband used to treat me, and wondering if he will live up to my expectations. I realize that's not fair. So I need to take some time to be on my own and figure out what it is that I want. And try to find my own happiness.

I'm on the road to doing that... January is going to turn my world upside down... and I can't wait!!!!! I think I'm going to sell everything that I own and live with only basic necessities. I keep thinking about how when James left this world, he didn't take anything with him. So, why do I need to keep things that have been sitting in boxes in my garage for the last 10 years. I could sell those things, buy myself the most awesome computer and use that to better my life! I love taking pictures, and I need a good computer for editing them, and making them as beautiful as I want them to and to share them with the world. I'm taking a photography class in Jan, and I'm so excited for it. I'm going to the local collage to get started on figuring out my classes I want and need to take. This time is MY TIME, and I'm going full steam ahead to better myself, and my life so that I can live for me and wake up every morning knowing that the work I'm doing is making a difference, and making me happy. I want to be in love with myself.... and I want to make myself happy... So.... lets get ready... New Year here we come!!!!