Love does not bind....

Last night I was watching Oprah’s Master Class, the episode was about Maya Angelou. She briefly touched on her life story, and talked about her experiences, and said some really beautiful things. Things that really set my heart on fire in a way I didn’t expect when I turned that TV on last night. I watched the show twice last night, and saved it on my Tivo to watch again. That’s how much I just wanted to absorb everything she was saying.

She said this one beautiful thing about how her mother told her how great she was, and she loved her so much, that she set her free into the world to grow and explore. And she said that years later when her mother was dying, she felt like she needed to give her permission to go, and to set her free… And then she said this about love:

Love liberates, it does not bind. Love says “I love you. I would like to be near you, I’d like to have your arms around me, I’d like to hear your voice in my ear, but that’s not possible now, so I love you…. Go…”

I just can’t stop thinking about that, I’ve never thought about it that way… and now I can’t stop thinking about it that way… and I feel like my heart is on fire because of those simple words…

I think about it in lots of different ways. First I think about it with my child. I don’t see her everyday anymore, and no matter where she is, and no matter if I talk to her, or not, I love her, and I’d always set her free to be her best. I think about it with James’ passing, especially the part about “I’d like to have your arms around me, I’d like to hear your voice in my ear, but that’s not possible now, so I love you… Go…” I’ll think about that statement in all of my future relationships. And try not to hold them so close, but set them free, to love them, and to liberate them with my love, and see what happens, rather than forcing the situation.

She also spoke about how her mother was a very good lover, because so many men, and if she wasn’t mistaken, women risked their lives to love her. I’ve never risked my life to love someone. Have you? Have you DARED to love someone? Have you sat and thought about what that really means??

At this point in my life, I feel like I know what I want now, more than ever, which I’m sure will continue to evolve over time. It’s sort of nice to be in the situation I’m in because I can openly explore different types of guys, and decided which one is the one I want to explore even more? A friend recently started showing me some attention, starting asking me to go to things, and offered to show me how to play the guitar. Well, guitar lessons, sort of turned into kissing lessons. It was quite nice, and I really didn’t expect it. I’m not sure where things will go with Guitar Hero. (his code name). But for me, I know that my emotions are very worn out, and I may not be ready for anything serious. I KNOW I’M NOT READY! I have a hard time saying no, to something I enjoy doing. So, instead of saying no, I’m saying SLOOOOW…. And I’m just going to keep having fun, and remembering that it’s all day by day.

In my whole life, I’ve never openly looked or searched for a partner. They have always found me, and I’ve always let them in. I believe that everything happens for a reason, people are put in our lives for a reason. So, I like to figure out what that reason is. I’m also learning that I’m a very “all or nothing” sort of person. When I love someone, its full force and I spend all of my free time with them, or in thoughts of them. Now, I’m trying to learn to remember that I’m still alive, and I can’t forget about myself, and I have to remember that it doesn’t have to be full force right away and to take some time to breathe, and do things for me. I love this thing called life, and all we learn from it if we really listen!